i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
