i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize