I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
