this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
