Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
