I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
