This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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