New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
