he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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