So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
