can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
