ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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