They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
