It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
