it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
