Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
