all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
