; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
