we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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