He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
