we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
