Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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