I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
