do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
