dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
