just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
