Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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