u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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