i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They have beer where we have blood.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
