I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
