Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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