Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
