According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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