I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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