my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
