think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
