my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
whose ass print is on the piano?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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