3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
