BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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