Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
