final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
