My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
