remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
