Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
