drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
