did you get engaged???
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
