My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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