My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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