just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
