youre lurking in front of me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
