We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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