Can Purell be used as lube?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
