The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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